White River Junction

Timezone: UTC-4.

Having boarded a train, I headed for Newport where awaited me my dear friend. We resumed where we had left off in Oxford in July of last year.

It is only now that I have the courage to admit that I lost the copy of “The Cloud of Unknowing” somewhere in London at the beginning of my voyage. I immediately bought a substitute, but it turned out to be a different translation, and a much more inferior one, so I disposed of that, too. The time to read it hasn't yet come for me, it would seem.

A love affair, of whatever kind, and particularly one that looks to marriage as its result, ought to be conducted with caution and delicacy. There should be no rashness or mistake. If you would be sure of the state of your own heart, you should wish to be no less sure of the real relation existing between you and the woman you would make your partner for life. Be certain that you have not surprised her, when she may be merely pleased with you, into an engagement she will feel bound to keep, however false; or that you are indebted less to love than the managing of matchmaking intermeddlers and the importunities of relations, or even that which you mistake for love, and what the lady sincerely believes to be such, is only an approving taste.
In your attentions, in your declarations, in the prudence and frankness of your deportment, make sure of your own sentiments and of those of the lady; and, when thus sure, express yourself, either personally or by letter, in a frank and honourable manner, having no doubt of the character of ye feelings and wishes. And when you have been accepted, the engagement made, be discreet in your raptures, and begin preparing with all diligence and dignity for the change that awaits you.
Young ladies claim the right of deciding for themselves, and the form of “asking papa” is not always complied with; but, as marriage introduces you into certain relations to the family of the bride, it is proper that you should ask consent. It is seldom refused without good reason. But, before advancing to the period of marriage, there are certain considerations to be discussed of no little importance. Ought you to regard property, position, &c., in choosing a wife? If you choose at all, choose by all means for every-thing that is desirable, that is, if with property you can also have love, health, good-temper, and education. By education we do not mean an acquaintance with all, or even with any one, of what are termed accomplishments. A woman may be well-informed and self-disciplined to a degree that will render her an admirable wife for a man of sense without being able to speak any but her vernacular tongue, or play upon any instrument save that "harp of a thousand strings," the human heart! Do not let us be understood as undervaluing the embellishments of social and domestic life as presented. by the lovelier part of creation. We wish only to express the conviction that the most elegant and varied accomplish-ments are a very poor equivalent for poverty of the head and heart in a woman who is to become the friend and counsellor, to whom you will look for enduring affection and sympathy, as well when the trials, the cares, and the sorrows of mortal existence shall lower heavily over you, as while you mutually move along amid the flowers and the sunshine of youth.
A career of idleness and irresponsibility is not a desirable prelude to the systematic routine of quiet duties essential to the home happiness of a man of moderate resources and retired habits. It may be questioned whether a woman who has been long accustomed to the adulation and the excitement of a crowd will be content to find enjoyment sufficient and enduring in the simple pleasures which alone will be at her command, thus circumstanced.
But while even the incentives afforded by all the affection of which such an ephemeral being is capable will render conformity to this new position difficult of attainment, she who is early accustomed to look thoughtfully upon life as beautiful and bright indeed, but as involving serious responsibilities and solemn obligations, will bring to a union with one of similar perceptions and principles a sense of right and duty which will make it no discouraging task to her to begin with her husband where he begins. Such a one will be content to tread on at an even pace beside him, through the roughness that may beset his progress, cheerfully encountering obstacles, and ever fully imbued with that patient, loving spirit whose motto is, “Bear one another's burdens.”
“All about etiquette; or, The manners of polite society” (London, 1875)